Love is a funny thing. It can make you think things, do things and be places that you never thought that you would. I never have had any desire to see Fort Jackson South Carolina before. Its strange how having your other half there makes it a very dear place that you don’t want to leave or if you do leave together.
We got there on Tuesday night and I settled in for one of the longest nights that I can remember. I don’t think I have ever paced, fiddled and fidgeted that much since my son was born. I took two baths that night and that did seem to calm my anxious nerves. I got all my clothes out, ironed and ready to go. I was agonizing over what put on the next day. I wanted to make a good impression and look good for him. I finally drifted off to sleep about midnight after making some crucial choices.
At about 4:30am I woke up with a little beep going off on the night stand. I had gotten a text message from my soldier. This was the first time that I had gotten a message from him since April. I sat there and started to cry when I saw that. Evidently they had gotten their phones back that night and he was secretly texting me. I sent him back a response of how much I loved him and missed him. I just laid there and prayed that it would be 7:30 soon. It seemed to take forever. I think I drifted in and out of sleep till about 6:30 when I got up and got dressed and ready. My parents came to the room at 7:30 so we could go get some breakfast and be at the family day briefing by 9:00.
I sat there at breakfast and all I had was a bite of a waffle and 4 glasses of OJ. I couldn’t stop drinking but I was so excited that I couldn’t eat anything. After we were done we left for the base. We got there on time and then I realized that our line wasn’t moving anywhere going into the base. We just sat there. If I didn’t think that one of the guards would have me shot for running the gates I would have gotten out of the car and made a run for it. We were backed up because of a wreck on the highway. The events started at 9:00 sharp and here it was 8:55 and we were going to be late. I almost lost it in the back seat there. Once we got the field I realized that they had held up the events because of the wreck. We got our seats and waited to see what was going to happen.
When an Army vehicle with 3 “Arab” soldiers in the back packing heat appeared on the field I was getting a little antsy. I wasn’t in the mood for a “Disneyland extravaganza” showing off what they can do to 3 Arabs that you know they are going to beat. When 4 or 5 Army soldiers came out to “defend” us I don’t think there was any doubt who would win. We did suffer 1 casualty, but I think he will make it since the Arabs were “pronounced” dead and our guy was taken out on a stretcher.
After this spectacle was over they asked the crowd if we were ready to see our soldiers. We all screamed YES and they all ran out of the woods beyond the stands and in 30 seconds they were all assembled on the field. At this point I los
t it again. I was thanking god that I had sunglasses on and you couldn’t see exactly what was happening. I think my step mother saw me. She patted my leg.
After a few words by someone I didn’t care about we were all told to go down and find our soldier. My worst nightmare came true at this point. I went down and was searching through all the faces and not recognizing any. Then I did it, I walked right past him. He reached out and grabbed his step mom and there I was looking and feeling like an idiot. I have always wondered what he would look like. I never thought that I wouldn’t be able to recognize him.
I stood there for what seemed like 6 hours but must have only been 30 seconds. He hugged his dad and step mom and my parents. Then he came over to me and gave me a very quick hug. I couldn’t speak I just stood there and gave a quick hug back. I could smell the sweat on his neck. I hated not being able to grab him and hold him. For one of the only times in my life I didn’t know what to do. We stood around and looked at each other and the ground. In my head I was so happy, but I didn’t want give to much emotion away.
When we got him in the car I just sat there and stared at him. I now knew why I didn’t recognize him. He was so skinny and in shape. I didn’t know how big his chest and arms would get. His ass looked like something you could bounce a quarter off. He sat there in the car holding my hand and I was happy for the first time in months. They wouldn’t let him off base that day so we just sort of hung out with all the relatives in tow. When we had to take him back it was sad. I don’t think he wanted to go, but he had to. Besides I knew that tomorrow he was going to get off base and be with me for 3 days. 
We went to the graduation the next day and it went off without a hitch. We got there so early this time we had front row center seats so that we could see everything. It was shorter than I thought it would be. I think it lasted only about 30 min or so. After he got back on the bus we had to wait for him to get back to his bunk and in his new school area before we could pick him up. It seemed to be taking all day. At about 3:30 we picked him up and we were on our way to Charleston to see the beach and spend some time alone.
In the car I couldn’t stop looking at him. He was exhausted from months of no sleep and he just fell over in my lap and went to sleep. He was snoring so loud my dad had to turn the radio on. I just sat there for 2.5 hours stroking his hair. (or what is left of it) When we got to the hotel I woke him up and we went upstairs. When we got in the room I started to say something and then he grabbed me. He hugged me so tight that I thought he was going to crack my ribs. I just held on crying and laughing at the same time. It was so strange. I’ve never done that before. The next 2 hours were some of the most emotional and satisfying hours of my life.
We spent the next part of the weekend getting re-acquainted with each other. I was trying to see if he had changed at all and if he did was it for the better. I think he is still the same person that he was before but there are some things that are different. I think he is a little more confident and a little more self assured. The only thing that I thought was funny was when I was brushing my teeth he came in the bathroom and started to pee. We have always had an unwritten rule of alone bath time. I guess you get over that with 1000 other guys doing it around you all the time.
When the time came to go the same feelings came back again when he left the first time. I had this unshakable depression and ache that I can’t describe. All I could think of was “good lord two more months of this. Its all starting over again.” Before this time I was working through it to get to this point and it felt like I was back at the start again. I wanted to turn that car around and break him out and bring him back to me.
I know two months is not that long. I don’t know how people who have 12 and 18 month deployments make it. I will deal with it I suppose if it happens to me, but I will hate it I know. I think that it hit us both that this could happen. Before this visit it was far down the line. Now that it was here it didn’t seem so far for my comfort. I have tremendous respect for each solider and family that has to go through this. It is a very humbling thing to think about and go through. It changes everyone it touches.
I know that I will be the good Army wife and be here keeping the home fires burning supporting and being there for my soldier. I just pray for a quick end to this war. I know who I am voting for this year. I can’t do this for the next 100 years.
