A Queer Thing Happened On The Way To The Recruiter

My partner, my husband of 7 years came home last fall and said off handily that he wanted to join the Army. I didn't believe him. I thought he was joking and that this was some sort of midlife crisis. (he's 37 now) As we got through the holidays the dropping of hints and casually bringing it up increased. One day he just said - "I've decided I'm joining" This news about sent me over the edge of sanity.

Here was this man that I have loved telling me that he wanted to leave me for extended periods of time and I was supposed to be ok with that. (the nerve of it) I felt rage, anger, loss and abandonment. At times I felt like I was in a Lifetime movie - maybe I did something, maybe I wasn't attractive enough anymore. (damn, why couldn't I be Meredith Baxter Burney) all I knew was he was leaving and I couldn't stop it.

One day we were driving and there in a yard of a small farm house was this "A Soldier Lives Here" sign that the Army issues. It had a profound effect on me. I realized that I was proud of this man. There it was sitting all alone in this yard and some spouse, mother, father or gay person was sitting in the house worrying about the same things I was.

After we knew the date my soldier was leaving for basic training the days slipped by faster and faster. There was so many things that I didn't get done that I wanted to. I started to become a little obsessive compulsive. I wasn't sure what he would remember when he was gone and I wanted him to think that I would be fine and be able to handle the home, farm, gardens, our vintage shop we run, the web development company, my son and everything else that needs to be done just to survive. Nothing was clean enough, nothing was ever done enough - I had to prove that I could take care of it all and keep the home fires burning. I had to, there wasn't any other choice.

The last week he was here was gone before it started. We had to get a power of attorney signed and notarized so that I could make decisions for him about everything from the cats to the businesses while he was gone. We had to stop at the accountants to get his taxes done. The Army sent us a list of all his supplies that he needed to bring, some of which baffled me - the Army wanted him to have a "clear soap box" I guess this is to prevent you from hiding some contraband Mary Jane. The only thing I requested back was his brand spanking new jock that they wanted him to have. (I wanted to see this on him when he came back all buff and hot. The new body he was going to get wasn't lost on me. At least there was one perk for me.)

He was scheduled to leave on Tuesday April 29th so I wanted to make sure that he said goodbye to everyone and let them have the same chance. That weekend I had the family over on Friday night and Saturday morning. Then on Saturday night we gave a dinner party for all of our friends. I don't think I will ever forget how he looked that night. It wasn't anything special he was wearing, just I felt that this is a moment that I really should remember. As I was sitting at the end of the table I found myself just sitting there staring at him. I'm pretty sure it was creeping him out some or at least he thought I was weird.

That Sunday night we made love for the last time before he left. I think it was an almost holy experience for me. In the back of my head I knew this was it. I just kept holding on tight not wanting to ever let go. I kept feeling his face and kissing it all over to memorize what it felt like. I didn't want to forget anything. Next thing I knew it was morning and I had to go on with my life.

On Monday the 28th we found out that he actually needed to report that night to the Holiday Inn the Army uses to house new recruits. So there would be no other nights together for a very long time. I had to drop him off at the recruiter station so they could take him there. We pulled into an abandoned Hollywood Video parking lot so that we could kiss and say our good bye. My voice was in the throat and most of it was a blur all I knew was that I didn't want it to end. I was kicking and screaming on the inside while on the outside I was becoming the duty bound military "wife." Life would never be the same for me or our family.


I am writing this blog while he is in South Carolina's Fort Jackson for basic training and then his military schooling. He will be gone till around September 15th. This will not only document my new life as an "Army wife"it will be a "lifeline" to my soldier while he is gone to let him know how I am feeling and my thoughts about him.

I also hope to hear from other gay and lesbian spouses that are in the same predicament that I am in. This is a forum to let your Soldier, Marine or Sailor know how you are doing and how proud you are of them.