The Parent Trap

I am really blessed to have a man in my life that loves me and my son. I know this seems like a, well duh sort of thing to say, but sometimes the obvious is the best thing to say. My soldier really loves my son and treats him as his own. Good, bad and the ugly he’s there to be a parent to him.

My ex-wife and I had our son in 2000 after 4 years of marriage. His nickname after we found out it was a boy while he was in the womb was “Trojan Man.” He wasn’t really planned at the time, but looking back I can’t think of anything that I could have done better with my life.

We divorced in 2002 after a year of living apart and leading separate lives. I met my soldier in August 2002 and he accepted my son from the very start. He was loving, caring and patient. As everyone knows, a 2 year old will test any relationship, especially one that was new. The stereotype is usually of gay men not wanting children and rejecting men that did because clearly they “couldn’t make their minds up.” Switching teams so to speak is what drives a lot of them crazy. They feel that guys who were married were just trying to fool their wives while they remained “pure” to their homo-ness.

When my son was just 2 I introduced him to my Soldier on one of our dates. I can still remember what I was thinking. I was praying that my son didn’t do anything too wild and would just be a “perfect angel” for the afternoon. He was ok that day, but what I really wanted to know was what my soldier was thinking. I’m not sure it was love at first sight, but over the years they have bonded and have their own special love for each other.

When I was 11 years old my parents divorced and when my Mom remarried it was a few years of adjustment for me to get to really love my step father. I always hoped that my son would feel the same way about my soldier. Since he was only 2 at the time he has been in his life for as long as he can remember. I think that being young has also helped him deal with having a gay father. With him, it’s really a non-issue. Only a few times has he ever brought it up. Asking why I was with a man and not with his mother. I gently tell him that his mom and I are better for each other now than we were together and that we both love him more than ever.

All this brings me to now. When my soldier left for the Army my son didn’t really understand that it was going to be a very long time until he saw him again. He casually said good-bye and got into his mothers car. I think my soldier was hurt and wanted that “Hallmark” moment with him. You know the type where everyone is on the verge or tears and hugging and telling each other that they would miss them and never forget each other. The following weekend when my son came over, he was asking where my soldier was. He thought he would be there. He spent the weekend mopping around and when I asked him what was wrong he said he missed him and wanted to know how long he would really be gone. I had to explain that he wouldn’t be back till he went to school in the fall. Every weekend so far I get the same question. I guess the conception of time is one of those things he needs to work on. He always asks if this is the week for him to come home.

This weekend my son was in my room sitting on the bed with me watching some Spongebob Squarepants while he was having lunch on a tray. It’s a real treat for him to get to eat in there and watch the big TV and lay in the comfy bed. He noticed that I had my soldier’s new Army picture on my nightstand in a frame. He wanted to look at it, so he went over and picked it up. He just sat there and stared at it for a few moments then started to smile. I think it finally made it real for him to see him in his uniform with that typical stern, kick ass look they have in those pictures.

That night we went to see my Father and Step Mother, otherwise known as Mamaw and Papaw. They had bought him a “Bear Force” teddy bear of an Army soldier in uniform. His first comment when handed the bear was a very jocular “aww sweet.” (He’s so straight acting) He was so in love with this bear from the moment they gave it to him. He named it after my soldier and just kept playing with all the pockets and saying how really cool it was.

I just sat there in the car watching him and me trying not to tear up. I guess I was happy to know that my son loves my soldier as much as my soldier loves him. I guess it’s something that I already knew, but it’s still sweet to witness him having those feelings for the man I love. But then again, how could he not? He’s his daddy’s son and his daddy loves both of them more than anything.